I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
