Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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