just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
