It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
