Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
