I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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