That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
