I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
