you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We left the knife in your bed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A+ Viking dick
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