Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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