Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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