Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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