Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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