He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
