If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
