I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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