so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
