Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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