Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She told me I should be a condom model.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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