Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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