i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
