she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
