Midget sex pt 2 tonight
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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