Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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