were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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