Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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