we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize