I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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