Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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