hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
