Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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