Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
