this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
