She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
