Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize