Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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