just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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