seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
