During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
