butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
