Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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