I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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