He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
