be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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