I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
