Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
