I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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