Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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