every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
