she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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