He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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