Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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