The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
