waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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