im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
