i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Even my vagina gasped.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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