I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize