I look better un-naked...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
