who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
