Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
