Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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