i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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